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Description
I'm sorry to bother you with this, that I haven't been doing art and if I haven't replied to you if you have sent me a note or commented somewhere
This is not ment to be vent art, nor a rant
I'm just really not in a good place right now (nor have i been for a long time), and I wanted to inform you.
I am sorry for my lack of art and commissions done, despite trying my best to get stuff done, I have had little luck.
I don't have the strength right now to go into many details, but I'll give you the gist of it:
I was doing very well up until just over two months ago. Then the downhill ride started. I've slowly been sinking lower and lower, past any point I've been in the past, I think. (It's hard to remember how bad things have been before, but it's at least among the lowest I've ever been) Despite everything I'm trying, I can't make myself feel better (And I really have been trying). Honestly, I don't know what to do.
The past two weeks it has reached a critical point, and I fear for myself. The waves of severe depression have gotten larger and longer, and I can feel myself becoming unstable. I lose control over my body and mind, and have harmed myself and at times also almost planned my own death... Not fun.
At times I can hardly even move, just turning my head or lifting my arm off the bed has become so hard I'll avoid doing it if I can. Though this is something I usually have, it's much worse now then I've had it for a long time.
Despite how it may seem, it's really hard to share this with you. I'm hoping that doing this somehow can help me get better, I'm really not sure what I can do to help myself.
I'm sorry if this bothers you, I just feel like I have to try something, nothing else is working.
Well, I think that was all for now, I hope you all have it much better then me. Take care of yourselves, you are all beautiful!
This is not ment to be vent art, nor a rant
I'm just really not in a good place right now (nor have i been for a long time), and I wanted to inform you.
I am sorry for my lack of art and commissions done, despite trying my best to get stuff done, I have had little luck.
I don't have the strength right now to go into many details, but I'll give you the gist of it:
I was doing very well up until just over two months ago. Then the downhill ride started. I've slowly been sinking lower and lower, past any point I've been in the past, I think. (It's hard to remember how bad things have been before, but it's at least among the lowest I've ever been) Despite everything I'm trying, I can't make myself feel better (And I really have been trying). Honestly, I don't know what to do.
The past two weeks it has reached a critical point, and I fear for myself. The waves of severe depression have gotten larger and longer, and I can feel myself becoming unstable. I lose control over my body and mind, and have harmed myself and at times also almost planned my own death... Not fun.
At times I can hardly even move, just turning my head or lifting my arm off the bed has become so hard I'll avoid doing it if I can. Though this is something I usually have, it's much worse now then I've had it for a long time.
Despite how it may seem, it's really hard to share this with you. I'm hoping that doing this somehow can help me get better, I'm really not sure what I can do to help myself.
I'm sorry if this bothers you, I just feel like I have to try something, nothing else is working.
Well, I think that was all for now, I hope you all have it much better then me. Take care of yourselves, you are all beautiful!
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© 2017 - 2024 Scourge707
Comments2
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*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, but I'm glad you told us. This isn't something you should go through alone, and I hope you have people around you who can support you.
I haven't suffered as badly as what you're describing, but as someone with anxiety issues, I have a little bit of experience in this area. Are you taking medication? Have you gone to counseling? I don't take much medication, but the amount I take really helps; it takes the edge off. There is no shame in having to take medication, especially when your symptoms are exacerbated by uneven balances in your body. And counseling has done wonders, letting me talk out things that get bottled up and just have a safe, non-judgmental outlet. I've also been trying to cut back on sugar and caffeine lately, as I find both of these effect my bodily systems negatively and make me feel worse, which my brain can translate into feelings of guilt or anxiety or depression if I am not consciously aware that what I'm feeling may just be my body reacting to something.
Last, and most important of all: do you pray? I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but speaking from my own experiences, learning to trust in God has been invaluable in overcoming the worst parts of my condition. Learning to trust Him - that He loves me, wants what is best for me, and can and will heal and grow me - in combination with doing my own part with the things listed above has really helped me.
I will pray for you, Scourge! Thank you again for sharing. If you'd like to talk more, please message me. And please don't hurt yourself. Things CAN and WILL get better. I have two people in my life who have attempted suicide, and both of them are now happily married, one with three kids. It may take time and there will no doubt be more rough things ahead, but you are valuable, important, and loved, no matter what your feelings may try to tell you. In my experience (and this is easily THE HARDEST lesson I have had to learn and am only just even beginning to grasp), how we FEEL does not define reality. That's not to say we can just turn them off, but knowing there is greater, better truth beyond what our feelings tell us at any given moment can be really empowering.
God bless,
River
I haven't suffered as badly as what you're describing, but as someone with anxiety issues, I have a little bit of experience in this area. Are you taking medication? Have you gone to counseling? I don't take much medication, but the amount I take really helps; it takes the edge off. There is no shame in having to take medication, especially when your symptoms are exacerbated by uneven balances in your body. And counseling has done wonders, letting me talk out things that get bottled up and just have a safe, non-judgmental outlet. I've also been trying to cut back on sugar and caffeine lately, as I find both of these effect my bodily systems negatively and make me feel worse, which my brain can translate into feelings of guilt or anxiety or depression if I am not consciously aware that what I'm feeling may just be my body reacting to something.
Last, and most important of all: do you pray? I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but speaking from my own experiences, learning to trust in God has been invaluable in overcoming the worst parts of my condition. Learning to trust Him - that He loves me, wants what is best for me, and can and will heal and grow me - in combination with doing my own part with the things listed above has really helped me.
I will pray for you, Scourge! Thank you again for sharing. If you'd like to talk more, please message me. And please don't hurt yourself. Things CAN and WILL get better. I have two people in my life who have attempted suicide, and both of them are now happily married, one with three kids. It may take time and there will no doubt be more rough things ahead, but you are valuable, important, and loved, no matter what your feelings may try to tell you. In my experience (and this is easily THE HARDEST lesson I have had to learn and am only just even beginning to grasp), how we FEEL does not define reality. That's not to say we can just turn them off, but knowing there is greater, better truth beyond what our feelings tell us at any given moment can be really empowering.
God bless,
River